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When To Say Yes

Uncategorized Sep 03, 2018

I was always the helper, the say yes woman, and the people pleaser.

Are you this person? The one always helping, saying yes without a second thought, and because of your generosity, well-liked by almost everyone?

I’ve been there too. Looking back, yes, I was an amazing giver, but I wasn’t giving under my terms.

Yes, I was always well-liked, but it wasn’t always under the best possible pretenses.

 Ok, so let’s dig down deep and see why I was always saying yes:

  • I enjoyed the thought of helping because it made me feel good
  • I enjoyed being well-liked by almost everyone
  • I enjoyed the thought of being the first one to extend a hand

Notice any patterns here? Yep, my saying yes to help others was about external validation. I absolutely love that I have come to this realization about myself.

I was relying on external validation and approval from others instead of myself. I was overcome with worry of whether people liked me. I was focused on being thought of highly by others, and almost in a competitive way.

Don’t get me wrong, I know I am amazing, truly care for others, and am an exquisite being, but it was the motivation behind saying yes to anything where the story needs rewritten.

So, when you’re thinking of helping someone think of the following before saying yes:

  1. Are you hoping to be liked more by the person(s) you’re helping?
  2. Are you helping even if you are not equipped to help?
  3. Are you helping even though you don’t have the time?
  4. Are you helping even though you don’t want to?
  5. Are you helping even though the task doesn’t resonate with your values and goals?

If you said yes to any of the above, rethink saying yes.

I know there is a fine line between thinking of What’s In It For Me (WIIFM) and wanting to help without any thoughts of yourself. I am not asking you to be non-human. You should absolutely think of yourself when committing to helping others but more so in the sense that this is related to your values, visions, and goals as well as has a positive impact.

The bottom line is to do something because you want to, not because of external validation.

If I resonate with you and you’d like to read more articles, find out how you can work with me, or just drop me an email, go to jendiehl.net.

Jen

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